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Everybody Poops

from Santa Can't by BEEFUS

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lyrics

Everybody poops
Pangolins and pandas
The great primates they defecate
Much the way a man does
And wallabies and mice and moose, how cheerfully they drop the deuce
Sometimes the size of a grain of sand, sometimes as big as a backhoe scoop
Everybody poops.

This thing we call excretion, it’s all life’s experience
Down to the tiniest paramecium who trots off to find the gents’
And he hums a little tune, down there in his water drop
And I fancy he might even hear.. the teeniest little “plop”

Everybody poops
Goslings and gorillas
Sometimes it stinks like old dead things or it’s fragrant as vanilla
Is it waste? To bacteria it’s a sumptuous cafeteria
The soil to fertilize and thus supply the vegetal bounty at its root
Everybody poops

Every human poops
From the peasants to the President
Golden throne or muddy hole, each finds the act quite “pleasident”
And even the Pope himself, beneath a golden cross
Squats oer the marble throne and lets it rip just like a boss!
From Jesus down to Yeezus, and to God himself when it pleases
So that the holy pants don’t suffer an “oops”
You guessed it
Everybody poops!

credits

from Santa Can't, released December 18, 2020
lyrics/music- Beefus

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BEEFUS Madison, Wisconsin

Called "Madison's rocking merry pranksters" by the Madison Isthmus, BEEFUS has been bringing their bizarro sounds and stage antics to stages in Madison, WI and the Midwest since 2007. BEEFUS are more anti-rock than rock, with smatterings of mutated jazz, peculiar percussion, and anthems to meat, body horror, and eldritch squid. ... more

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