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Christmas Shopping On the Dark Web

from Santa Can't by BEEFUS

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lyrics

Now the holiday's approaching
And you start to twitch and sweat
You've been slacking and slowcoaching
Haven't started shopping yet!

Think about your loving family
What they ever done for you?
Greedy brats and creepy uncles
Payback's long overdue

Do your shopping on the Dark Web
Where the trolls and the incels play
Where weapon merchants party
Where all your enemies will pay!

Think of darling little Timmy
Buy him a vial of disease
He'll find a festive bioweapon
Waiting underneath his tree

For your husband's nagging mother
Buy her a laptop, shiny red!
Load the hard drive up with kiddie porn
And a backdoor for the feds!

Oh come all ye troll farms
In Minsk and Macedonia

Christmas shopping on the Dark Web
Where neo-Nazis dance!
Where al-Qaeda bandits chitchat
Plans for bombing Spain and France!

Joy To The Web
Where proud boys roam
And the GRU convenes
Where pedophiles
Wear happy smiles
And no ISPs are seen
And no ISPs are seen
And no ISPs are ever seen

As your family starts to carol
Hear the sirens start to roar
Heat up some wassail for the SWAT team
As they batter down your door!

(Throw down your weapons
Then show us your hands)

Christmas shopping on the Dark Web
What a joyous way to go!
Tell your family to come and join you
For New Years at Guantanamo!

credits

from Santa Can't, released December 18, 2020
lyrics- Beefus
music- Tardmar/Beefus/Meatslayer

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

BEEFUS Madison, Wisconsin

Called "Madison's rocking merry pranksters" by the Madison Isthmus, BEEFUS has been bringing their bizarro sounds and stage antics to stages in Madison, WI and the Midwest since 2007. BEEFUS are more anti-rock than rock, with smatterings of mutated jazz, peculiar percussion, and anthems to meat, body horror, and eldritch squid. ... more

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